The 5 or 6 months before 2012 was DRAG and excruciatingly intense for me in the area of housing…yes, I had my own private intensive.
There were all kinds of inner “bells and whistles” about the arrangement and person(s) I was about to encounter…on two separate back-to-back occasions! In each instance I second-guessed my intuition - “gut feelings” “hunch” or inner voice - and gave the person “the benefit of the doubt”. I’d thought, ‘Nah, so and so is cool’ or ‘Nah, everything is fine…I’m just being negative!’
And I ended up feeling D.R.A.G.:
D espondent – pessimistic, miserable, hopeless
R esigned – for a moment, I accepted that I was a total fuck up; a loser A ngry – absolutely livid at those I trusted would treat me fairly (Ha!)
G iven up – so, frankly, I feared what would become of me (the stress began to affect my sense of sanity and health – I had a chest cold…for several months!). ‘Why don’t I just drop everything, RUN out of town and not say a word to anyone…for a looooong while?!’ I’d thought.
However, I surrounded myself with a few people I knew and would allow me to share my experiences and to just ventilate…and they truly heard me. Sometimes all anyone needs is to be heard.
Anyway, once I removed myself from the toxic environments and moved into a friend’s apartment (no “bells and whistles” went off on this one!), I took some time to contemplate* my experiences. Three things came up for me: 1) I had to accept accountability for my decisions which led to the negative or unfavorable responses by the “players” in my “drama” all because I had not trusted and respected my intuition or inner voice that would stop me from the impending catastrophe I created for myself. 2) I discovered that I feared the clarity and accuracy of my own intuition 3) Choose joy….now!
I physically began to feel better and I experienced a sense of gratitude and joy about my life. My unwise decisions and repercussions no longer stifled who I am and creative possibilities:
i flew out of my own hell so fast
i didn’t have to think, analyze, conceptualize nor theorize HOW
i was released.
i was released from myself back
to my Self.
It’s 2012. Drop D.R.A.G, Choose Joy! ~ Wishing you the very best, Quelyn
Author of memoir:
Validation Denied Grace Bestowed:somewhere between the ghetto and God was something called foster care….
FOR APPEARANCES, BOOK SIGNINGS & TALKS CONTACT:
The Butterfly Book Tour™Team / beyondlabelz@yahoo.com
Validation Denied Grace Bestowed is available at
iUniverse.com, (812)330-2909 or (800) 288-4677
Copyright©2011 Quelyn Purdie
