Fathers Day: Mother

                             …It is my hope that young women today reevaluate their lives, themselves and what they would like
                                               their lives to actually be…you have to consider what you are saying to the next generation…  
                                                                                                                            - Cicely Tyson, May 28, 2013, The View Talk show

I usually write separate blogs honoring mothers and fathers.  This year I have combined the celebrations into a season finale May/June “double-issue” with a special article about Will Smith and son, Jaden. I came across the interview as I logged into my AOL® email. But first

males, boys, humans

come into
being
through the portal
of females

The phenomenon of human reproduction, while scientifically explicable, is a Divine action, an expression of sacred divine love. 

For me the ultimate acknowledgement of the sanctity of parenthood, fathers and mothers is when I became a young adult who graduated college but still had some work to do on self and in the process had finally forgiven my own (deceased) parents especially my biological mother.  Furthermore I consciously acknowledged, in my heart, women who took the time to advise, coach, and love me as I watched them raise their own children - boys and/or girls - with the dexterity of a surgeon.

Once I corrected the ignorance and limited understanding of who I am, with the compassionate support of those who cared, I  learned to LOVE myself, first, and fully accepted LIVING WITH my own beautiful body. (p. 28, Validation Denied Grace Bestowed).

The interview with Will Smith and Jaden regarding parental “ownership” of children, triggered memories of my own father’s style of guiding me as his little girl.  I think he, too, wouldn’t judge me, but advise and guide me…as he did when I went “bye-bye” with him, in a cute shorts set or dress, ankle socks and black patent leather shoes…holding my hero’s hand. (p. 9, Validation Denied Grace Bestowed).

The following link is an interview where Will Smith discusses how he and Jada released “ownership” of their children but remain guides as their children make informed choices in their own lives.  Enjoy!   http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/05/26/will-smith-kids-ownership_n_3339618.html?utm_hp_ref=mostpopular

 

On Fire To A Tall Cool Drink

Returns in the Fall…..Have a Fabulous and Safe Summer!

 ~Quelyn, Author of

Validation Denied Grace Bestowed:somewhere between the ghetto and God was something called foster care...

FOR APPEARANCES, BOOK SIGNINGS & TALKS CONTACT US AT:

thebutterflytour@aol.com

Validation Denied Grace Bestowed is available everywhere and at:

www.iUniverse.com

(812)330-2909 or (800) 288-4677

 

Copyright©2013 Quelyn Purdie

 

TOGETHER

Together.

They were knocked off their feet, and landed….together.

Ballroom dance instructor Adrianne Haslet-Davis, from Boston, described how she and her husband, airman Captain Adam Davis were injured from a bomb planted at the 2013 Boston Marathon.  Mrs. Haslet-Davis appeared on The View, Thursday, April 25, 2013 via satellite from her hospital bed. Captain Davis and Mrs.Haslet-Davis were enjoying a walk and attended the Boston Marathon, when they were blown off their feet by the first bomb and sustained foot and leg injuries.

Just two weeks before the bombing, Captain Davis had come home, in one piece, from Afghanistan. 

As The View’s  Elisabeth Hasselbeck and Barbara Walters, in her signature inquisitively-comforting tone, spoke with Mrs. Haslet-Davis via satellite, she shared how the support of her husband and family are paramount to the healing process.

Together.

Growing up there were events that affected my experience of family life from: the volatile fights between my biological mother and her boyfriends (one of whom was shot and my mother, brother 4 and me, 6 raced to the hospital in a cab to “see about him”. I was scared but secretly thrilled, Snoopy-thrilled, to be out of the apartment…TOGETHER.  My brother and I didn’t get out much due to my mother’s 4-nights-a-week absence); to: the feuds within the foster family I ultimately grew up in but enjoyed family trips, cook-outs, concerts….TOGETHER.  So even though  foster care was a strange idea for me, there were enough positive experiences of together to make my teen life tolerable.

Together for me means support, solidarity, vigilance which takes the bite out of trauma…or, if an event of merriment, together inflates the elation of the experience - in the moment; paying attention to one another.

 
Captain Adam Davis and Mrs. Haslet-Davis, TOGETHER, WE salute YOU.

Thank you for reading. 

 ~Quelyn, Author of
Validation Denied Grace Bestowed:somewhere between the ghetto and God was something called foster care...

FOR APPEARANCES, BOOK SIGNINGS & TALKS CONTACT US AT:

thebutterflytour@aol.com

Validation Denied Grace Bestowed is available everywhere and at:

www.iUniverse.com

(812)330-2909 or (800) 288-4677

 

Copyright©2013 Quelyn Purdie

Oprah and Dr. Robin: Hungry

“What?!”  you ask.  Actually Oprah and Dr. Robin are quite alright.

Dr. Robin’s book Hungry: The Truth About Being Full was the topic of Oprah’s Super Soul Sunday interview.  Briefly, they talked about how Dr. Robin got through a when-it-rains- it-pours experience in her life - in the midst of having the notion that she was “doing well” and that “everything was taken care of”:  

“Even though I looked alive and vital, the hourglass measuring the aliveness of my soul was swiftly draining to the bottom. I was losing my battle to be myself. I was in my prime. My career was taking off; I was surrounded by loving friends and family. Yet it felt like time was running out.”

Dr. Robin L. Smith, noted psychologist, ordained minister, motivational speaker, and best-selling author of Lies at the Altar, seemed to have the perfect life, but underneath it all, she felt empty.

                                                                         - From Dr. Robin L. Smith’s website http://www.drrobinsmith.com/books

Now we all know Oprah and Dr. Robin are great teachers (who rock ‘til we shine) right?  But Dr. Robin proves even the greatest amongst us go through huge challenges.   Watch Oprah’s Next Chapter/Super Soul Sunday interview with Dr. Robin right here:

http://www.oprah.com/own-super-soul-sunday/Full-Episode-Oprah-and-Dr-Robin-Smith-on-the-Hungry-Soul-Video

What came up for me as I watched the interview was  1) to deepen gratitude and make it a consciously daily experience.  And  2) contemplate Oprah’s most profound question of the interview:  “Are you home now?”  What does it mean to be “home” for me?

Watch the interview and see what comes up for you.

Thank you for reading. 

~Quelyn, Author of
Validation Denied Grace Bestowed:somewhere between the ghetto and God was something called foster care...

FOR APPEARANCES, BOOK SIGNINGS & TALKS CONTACT:

The Butterfly Book Tour™Team / beyondlabelz@yahoo.com

www.iUniverse.com

(812)330-2909 or (800) 288-4677

Copyright©2013 Quelyn Purdie

 

A Diamondsaur Comes (Roaring) Back!

A diamondsaur is someone whose work is celebrated, timeless, and has become a silk thread in the fabric of human life, and possibly/has launched the careers of others.  A human being like this is an icon ; they are masterful at what they do.

So, it is time,

it’s time we start to boldly speak Valerie Simpson’s name
in the same breath we mention such women musicians as Aretha Franklin, Joni Mitchell, Diana Ross, Celine Dionne, Chaka Khan and others.

Valerie Simpson and Nick Ashford’s songs launched the careers of Diana Ross and Chaka Khan.

What I know for sure, to borrow one of Oprah Winfrey’s (another icon) famous expressions, is: when a diamondsaur returns, they’re visibly back in the game of their profession, with impactful and uplifting intent.

When Valerie Simpson appeared, stunning, on stage in the Allen Room at the world renown Jazz at Lincoln Center last Thursday evening, tears trickled down my face.  She

 
looked celestially beautiful
full of health and joy
in her above the knee
black sleeveless dress
with an elegant overlay in the back
her feet embraced with
red satin pumps
her presence
commanded our spirit
to dance and rejoice
along with hers
still she remained the
professional
yet so benevolent
that we could freely be
in awe
with as much integrity
as her own genius

Ms. Simpson delivered a concert that would be etched in the memory of the hearts of all who attended the one-night only event.  As she and her excruciatingly gifted band performed songs from her new album, Dinosaurs Are Coming Back Again (http://www.amazon.com/Dinosaurs-Are-Coming-Back-Again/dp/B0086PGOBA) Ms. Simpson encouraged us to be and do whatever we dream of doing...and don’t wait.  Her crystal-clear, melodious voice and concerto-caliber piano play brought us to our feet time and again, including an encore.

All I kept thinking was she’s back! She’s an American icon, I don’t care (about others’ opinion/definition), she’s an American icon... She’s the “dinosaur” who is back...again. You know what?  she ‘shut it down’...I’m just sayin’.

- Dinosaurs Are Coming Back Again--For anyone who questions what offerings they can still make, this song says: Be encouraged. I love Nick Ashford's fairy tale-real lyrics here.    -Valerie Simpson, Dinosaurs Are Coming Back Again Album Notes, 2012

Thank you for reading.

~ Quelyn, Author of

Validation Denied Grace Bestowed:somewhere between the ghetto and God was something called foster care...

FOR APPEARANCES, BOOK SIGNINGS & TALKS CONTACT:

The Butterfly Book Tour™Team / beyondlabelz@yahoo.com

Validation Denied Grace Bestowed is available at

iUniverse.com, (812)330-2909 or (800) 288-4677

….and bookstores everywhere!

Copyright©2013 Quelyn Purdie

LuvIn "The Holidays"

I recently had a conversation with a great male friend of mine, about the stress, anxiety, despondence and a sense of disconnect many people experience as “the holidays” (you know, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year’s) roll around. Children, particularly those living in temporary situations such as foster care or a dysfunctional environment, experience heightened  anxiety during “the holiday” season.  But they are basically powerless to do anything about their situation; so my friend and I focused on adults.

We discussed the true meaning of each holiday (yes, we got into the history and economics of it all; don’t get me wrong - I love healthy consumerism, especially entrepreneurialism!) and that celebrating The Lord, new resolutions, gratitude and being with family and friends during “the holidays” should not be occasions of heavy stress but opportunities to experience “the gift of giving”.  So as my friend and I talked, I shared the following excerpt from my book about how I got past anxiety and loneliness I used to feel during “the holidays” post-college, and living on my own as a young adult: 

“I extended the practice of (selfless service) to my community especially during the holidays.  I developed the habit of bringing food to a homeless person on Thanksgiving Day or Christmas.  I can’t describe the immense satisfaction I got from making a contribution like this to others in need....There’s something very powerful about feeding others....Very soon, holidays were no longer a source of loneliness or a reminder of the pain I’d suffer as a child longing to spend the time with her own biological family....Still one of the most important lessons I discovered is that the separation from my biological family and the events that followed, were blessings on the yellow-brick-road toward a life of learning and joy”.

                        - From Validation Denied Grace Bestowed:somewhere between the ghetto

                                     and God was something called foster care...., pgs 56-57.

I had discovered what it really means to experience the gift of giving. For me the gift of giving is an indescribable sense of peace and satisfaction.

Thank you for reading.

~ Quelyn, Author of

    Validation Denied Grace Bestowed:somewhere between the ghetto and God was something called foster care...

 

FOR APPEARANCES, BOOK SIGNINGS & TALKS CONTACT:

The Butterfly Book Tour™Team / beyondlabelz@yahoo.com

Validation Denied Grace Bestowed is available at

iUniverse.com, (812)330-2909 or (800) 288-4677

….and bookstores everywhere!

Copyright©2012 Quelyn Purdie

An Almost Krispy Kreme Birthday

Just days before my birthday I’m gleefully on my way to the back to withdraw funds to pay a bill,  only to discover my account was actually overdrawn.  My heart skipped a beat; WTF????!!!!!

I immediately contacted my bank which explained they had assessed a levy fee against my account and instructed me to contact the agency that served the order. 

I walked away from the ATM machine in a daze but I remember thinking two things as I walked down the block on the breezy, but warm evening, towards the nearest subway on 42nd street: 1) to keep breathing...and don't get hit by a damn car!  2) and get home to safety, to a place of calm, a place where I could regroup and think rationally.  

As I sat on the train home I wondered ‘What if they come after my wages?!’  ‘Am I going to make it?’  Suddenly I felt a dull pain creep upward from base of my head and spreading its fingers, grabbed the back of my head like a basketball player would palm a spalding!

I closed my eyes and began to breathe deeply and evenly while massaging my neck.  As I breathed , healthier thoughts came up: ‘Ok what DO I have right NOW; ‘What IS possible?’ ‘What am I GRATEFUL for NOW?’  Well:

I am grateful to still be breathing, there are a few people in my life who love me, I am on my way to a safe (and nice place) I call home, I am surrounded by folks on this train who could be a source of help in case I actually do fall out!  I AM important and a productive human being who still has innovative ideas and work to contribute....I do believe in the power of God....’

By the time I got home I had a plan of action - I reached out to my accountant who was very helpful and I reached out to a few friends.  Ok I just need to interject something here:  some of y/our friends or folks (we) thought would be sympathetic or understanding, turn out to be the complete opposite - impatient, suspicious, judgemental, even to the point of questioning (the effect of) y/our faith. I used to get very incensed at this but now I realize it’s unproductive and that my job is to understand my own situation and role and responsibility in the matter.  Furthermore I realize the value of my friendship could have diminished.  I still have to give MYSELF a chance, remain focused and move forward. 

Anyway, the next morning, I called the agency that served the garnishment order and within minutes I setup payment arrangements.

And I had one of the most memorable and fabulous birthdays ever.

Thank you for reading.

~ Quelyn, Author of

Validation Denied Grace Bestowed:somewhere between the ghetto and God was something called foster care...

 FOR APPEARANCES, BOOK SIGNINGS & TALKS CONTACT:

The Butterfly Book Tour™Team / beyondlabelz@yahoo.com

Validation Denied Grace Bestowed is available at

iUniverse.com, (812)330-2909 or (800) 288-4677

….and bookstores everywhere!

 

 

Copyright©2012 Quelyn Purdie

How Macbeth Changed My Attitude!

Did you see The Theatre of Scotland’s innovative  production of Macbeth at Jazz at Lincoln Center?  The production was part of the 2012 Lincoln Center Festival and featured Alan Cumming as Macbeth...and other major characters (Lady Macbeth, King Duncan, Banquo and Macduff)...on a stage transformed into a mental hsopital!

The run: 9 shows AND a Saturday matinee, every performance sold-out, 1hour and 45 minutes.  Cumming’s tour-de-force  performances unfailingly ended each evening between 9:15p and 9:20pm....and received a standing ovation, each and every night.

One evening, before entering the theatre to take their seats, a handsome male & female couple inquired about whether they’d be out in time to catch the 9:30pm Charlie McBride  set at Dizzy’s Club Coca-Cola, which is located in Jazz at Lincoln Center (you really have to go!).  The moment I uttered the promise that the couple would have plenty of time to see Charlie McBride, I realized a major attribute of power or to be powerful....TIME, the ability to be on time.

The day before I worked the Macbeth finale I had an appointment near 14^th Street-Union Square.  As I departed the shuttle train and walked through the artsy tunnel that leads to the Lexington Avenue line, I suddenly felt a deep sense of depression, which is truly rare for me but I think all the shit i went through in the past few months, in particular and in the past year in general, caught me “off-guard”.  Like Macbeth’s character, this can be insanity if left unchecked!  Anyway, although my feet were physically moving quickly each step seemed as though I was walking through 3 feet of water, my chest felt squished and i felt my shoulders droop.  

So as I quick-schlepped my way through the tunnel my eyes caught a glimpse of an ad for Duracell batteries.  The ad featured a tight close-up shot of Jay-Z and the words “Never Be Powerless” were etched across his beautiful face, with his signature lips.  Whatever the time measurement shorter than a second, it all happened so fast; I didn’t have time to think or process the experience, all I know is that my body felt about 20 pounds lighter, I felt a smirk sneak across my lips and the enthusiasm  of who I truly am was back! 

Never be powerless.

The next evening, the night of the Macbeth finale, I had the pleasure of riding the elevator with Alan Cumming to the floor where dressing rooms and staff lockers are.  As we chatted for the approximately 30-second ride, he was really cool! You would probably pass right by him on the street - he wore shorts, sandals, a shirt, cool shades and a cool hat...he was “cool” like us New Yorkers!  Yet as exhausting as his incredible performances might have been, he never cheated the audience, he signed autographs, and showed up for all receptions related to the show. 

I contemplated my experiences and my own attitude about time.  What came up for me was that when I am given the hour to be somewhere or to do something by a certain time, it is the opportunity to experience my own power - the power to show up, the power to be counted on.

By the way, I was about 11 minutes early for my appointment.

Thank you for reading.

 
~ Quelyn, Author of
Validation Denied Grace Bestowed:somewhere between the ghetto and God was something called foster care...

FOR APPEARANCES, BOOK SIGNINGS & TALKS CONTACT:

The Butterfly Book Tour™Team / beyondlabelz@yahoo.com

Validation Denied Grace Bestowed is available at

iUniverse.com, (812)330-2909 or (800) 288-4677

….and bookstores everywhere!

Copyright©2012 Quelyn Purdie